The LagSpy
by Mar-the-Fen
Summary: Two RED Scouts ran frantically, swinging their bats and belting out long streams of frustrated curses. The source of their discomfort? A RED Spy who appeared to be trapped in a time warp. Silly one-shot.


**A/N:** A TF2 fan fiction based on this awesome video. YOU TUBE .com/watch?v=pYSmuSsFtgI It's not _exact _to the video but remains more or less the same.

Hope you enjoy.

**EDIT: **I almost forgot to disclaim myself! TF2 and all Valve related content solely belongs to them and most definitely not me.

**The LagSpy**

* * *

"Go, go, go!"

"C'mon, man! Let's go!"

Two RED Scouts ran frantically, swinging their bats and belting out long streams of frustrated curses. The source of their discomfort? A RED Spy who appeared to be trapped in a time warp.

The RED Spy gently made his way through the underbelly of 2Fort's sewers, his face resolute, intent on taking the last of BLU's intelligence into the hands of their grand Announcer. Each step was carefully placed causing small ripples of water to spread around him. He held onto his butterfly knife looking just about as fearsome as a six-year-old with a stick.

"This sucks on ice!" the shorter of the two Scouts groaned.

"Let's _go_!" the other got up into the Spy's face gracing him with a nasty sneer. The Spy appeared undeterred and continued dutifully towards the RED sewers.

"Dude, _come on_...!!" a RED Scout whipped out his scattergun and fired it at the wall anger clearly read across his face. His features contorted into an uncharacteristic frown as he fired several more furious shots at the wall. The other Scout very quickly caught on to this and soon enough the two began dashing around their determined Spy shooting at everything but him.

"Just drop it, man!" the short one exclaimed finally waving his arms around dramatically. In the time it took them to actually reach the RED sewers he probably could've made it to the intelligence room already.

The Spy merely maintained his pace, slowly driving on as mute as the tunnels surrounding them. If he showed any inclination of hearing his young comrades he made none. The Scout growled and reloaded his scattergun relentlessly. His twin ran ahead only to come jumping back around the corner his eyes wide.

"Frickin' unbelievable." he rolled his eyes as he landed and trained his gun on the corner. Confused, the other Scout peeked around the corner. A flamethrower happily greeted his curiosity. Fortunately, the battle was short. Both the Scouts, in their complete and utter anger, ruthlessly shot down the BLU Pyro before he/she could even pull the trigger. Not long after, the BLU Engineer stationed in the corner had foolishly tried to shoot the wild Scouts with his shotgun only to be on the receiving end of a Sandman and an aluminum bat.

And where was the Spy throughout the entirety of this? Ever so vigilant in his mission to reach the long narrowing channel that would lead him to his base.

He pressed onward his eyes boring onto the stairs ahead of the threesome. It was his goal. His very _life_ was staked on this.

"Let's go, let's go, let's go!" the short one pushed eagerly his patience wearing thin. They gradually moved forward when the usually speedy Scout halted. He was suddenly surprised to see a huge lurking figure rushing towards them.

"Vat is taking intel so _long_?!" boomed the RED Heavy's voice as he clambered down the stairs. He looked concerned as made his way through the grimy waters.

"_This_ is what." the taller Scout motioned to the Spy steadily inching his way towards the first stair.

"VAT IS WRONG WITH SPY?!" he demanded as he ran up to said Spy. The Heavy was shocked. Heavy was faster than Spy? What horrible force of nature was the cause of this...this LagSpy?

"Dunno, big guy but we gotta keep im' movin'!" the shorter Scout said pointedly.

Heavy nodded sagely. With a tentative wave he left and returned to his defensive position in front of the fort. Yes, it was true. The Heavy was in fact much faster than their Spy.

It took a long agonizing twenty seconds before the RED mass reached the top of the stairs. Twenty seconds may not seem that long to the average Joe but on a battle field it could very well determine the difference between life and death. The Scouts were visibly relieved but their trek wasn't quite over. Despite being in their base trouble still brewed...

"What in tarnation is takin' you boys to git here!?" the RED Engineer complained loudly as he appeared in front of them.

The smaller Scout piped up angrily.

"It ain't our fault, hard hat! It's frickin' fat ass here who's takin' his sweet time!" he whined.

The Engineer would have none of the Scout's compromising attitude.

"Well, just git him safely to the intelligence room so we can finally win this here skirmish," he swung his wrench dangerously in front of the two Scout's noses. "Ah'm sick n' tired of watchin' the base down three men. Heavy can only do so much" he sighed exasperatedly, breezing past the Scouts and Spy.

"Hey, we're tryin' over here..." the tall Scout rebutted tiredly.

The Engineer made no reply as just as he made his way into the sewers a very deadly blade had made it's way into his back. With an all too familiar 'whoosh' the BLU Spy materialized from thin air pulling his knife from the Engineer's back with a violent jerk. The Engineer let out a strangled cry as the BLU Spy calmly pushed the corpse aside and silkily pursued his RED counterpart.

"Spy!" the two Scouts cried in unison.

The pair turned around uniform in their movements. With a not very manly war cry the shorter Scout jumped the BLU Spy his bat ready to dish out a very thorough bonking. The BLU Spy expected an attack such as this and swung his blade in a silent 180 degree arc of death. The knife drove through the Scout's right shoulder like butter. The Scout withdrew for a second swearing colourfully. The Spy smirked satisfied he'd hit his mark. He quickly spun on his heel, kicking the other Scout square in the gut as he attempted to beat him from behind. The taller Scout let out a strained cough and dropped his Sandman reflexively.

"You're askin' for it now, tough guy!" the bleeding Scout hissed. He quickly came down on his assailant and promptly bludgeoned his face with several direct hits from his trusty bat.

Blood bubbled over the Spy's lips as he let out one last guttering grunt and crumpled to the ground.

The RED Spy had stopped his journey and had watched the whole thing idly.

"Thanks for the help." the winded Scout wheezed sarcastically. However, the teen's eyes had a very plain 'asshole' glare to them. He shakily trudged over to the other Scout and gave his arm a firm squeeze.

"Thanks, bro." he added in a kinder tone.

"No problem, man." he shrugged only to instantly regret the movement as a pool of blood churned painfully over the brim of his cut and down his arm.

The RED Spy observed his team mates for a moment before cautiously turning around and ghosting his way into the base's lower foyer. The two Scouts trailed behind him keeping half an eye open for any more BLU threats. They encountered no such problems as they soon found themselves in the basement of their fort.

"Hey, we did it!" the shorter Scout said mildly.

"Hey, yeah, yeah!" his friend agreed cracking a giddy smile.

The Spy persisted in his weary march en route to the intelligence room. It turns out he did not exactly share the same sentiments as his RED companions. The Spy's eyes widened hungrily as the table in the intelligence room came into view.

"Eat my dust!" the pair of Scouts rushed past him and began taunting him at the table.

With probably a bit more force than necessary the RED Spy finally slammed the BLU suitcase onto the table with a loud bang.

"_Victory_...!" the Announcer's smug declaration echoed throughout the entire base.

The two Scouts whooped and cheered as the RED Spy remained still and composed in their merry making.

In his heart, though, pride and happiness swelled unabashedly through the LagSpy.

:The End:


End file.
